Where are you really from?

The arrival of the Lunar New Year is a reminder that many view the Asian identity as a singular entity. By default you are of Chinese origin and people wish you a "Happy Chinese New Year" or only Chinese customs are shared as Lunar New Year traditions not reflective of the Asian community in a classroom or workplace (see blog post on Lunar New Year). The socially constructed term 'Asian' refers to the people from across the continent of Asia, but too often it is used to refer to East Asians and South East Asians exclusively. Beyond New Years, the idea of the Asian monolith continues in every day life where microaggressions like being greeted with a "Ni Hao" or worst the C-word, are experienced by Asian people regardless of their heritage.  Microaggressions are "everyday slights, indignities, put-downs and insults that people of colour, women, LGBTQ+ populations and other marginalized people experience in their day-to-day interactions" [1].  Another microaggression experienced by many Asians is being asked "Where are you really from?". This is a constant reminder that we are viewed as foreigners and never from the location stated in our birth certificate or citizenship documents. 

Photo by Ben Parker on Unsplash

I am a Canadian. Having a specific skin colour, eye shape or other features doesn't diminish this. But yet when I've encountered this question, it causes pause and reflection on who I am. The consequences of microaggressions go further than a surface level slight. Sometimes they are disguised as a compliment like "You're English is so good". Other times it is non-verbal, especially during this pandemic, people taking a few more steps away from me but not from other non-Asians in public spaces. The impact is lingering, where I wrestle with not being Asian-enough as a first generation Canadian and being viewed as a foreigner.  This duality trickles into all aspect of life. I grew up speaking another language at home, it's a dialect that isn't widely spoken. The ability to practice isn't there, so my vocabulary and linguistic skills aren't great - not Asian enough. In writing this post, I am hyper aware of every word written to ensure that it is not perpetuating the foreigner stereotype. Do my spelling mistakes, syntax errors and grammar mishaps just feed into not being able to speak/write English well. Writing has never been my strength, but that is just me and not tied to my Asian heritage. I'm learning and trying to get better (the point of this blog), but in the eyes of others, it is proof for the implicit bias they hold.  School lunches was another example of living this duality where the food I ate at home was packed for lunch. The aromas that I once associated with comfort were quickly replaced with shame. Trying to "fit in" and requesting sandwiches at home resulted in bewilderment of why I wanted a sad sandwich in place of this home-cooked meal. The love language in many Asian home revolves around food and be rejecting this, I was guilty of propagating the same microaggressions that I was experiencing.   

Photo by Mario Gogh on Unsplash

Where are you really from? becomes a reminder that I don't really belong anywhere. Microaggressions are insidious where these slights are like "death by a thousand cuts" [2]. The wounds never deep enough to treat individually, but you feel each one and each cut leaves a scar.  

[1] “Education Glossary Terms.” Anti-Defamation League, www.adl.org/education/resources/glossary-terms/education-glossary-terms. 

[2] Chanicka, Jeewan. “Racist Microaggressions Are Like Death By A Thousand Cuts.” HuffPost Canada, HuffPost Canada, 20 Mar. 2018, www.huffingtonpost.ca/jeewan-chanicka/microaggression-privilege-racism-discrimination_a_23387202/.